The Harmful Side of Self Help

Dear Readers, I was doing my research on this topic and then found a perfectly succinct version of what I wanted to say: 5 Problems with the Self-Help Industry. It's written by Mark Mason, who happens to be my favorite non-fiction author. So if you get anything out of this post, just read his. The following is just my personal account with self-help.

It was the summer leading into my junior year of high school. I mowed neighbor’s' lawns for some extra cash; it was then that I found audible and my love for audiobooks. My favorite genre was non-fiction, self-help. I started with How To Make Friends and To Influence People by Dale Carnegie (7-Habits of Highly Effective People is a WAY better start). I loved the idea of improving myself, and I followed that habit through college and beyond. Today I have amassed around 150 audiobooks, 80% of which are self-help. Did they help me? Yes. Alright, Christian, if you're such an avid subscriber to self-help, why the ominous title? Well, at times, it became an obsession; it stopped me from actually improving and enforced my unhealthy self-perception. 

How can it be helpful and harmful at the same time? Well, it all has to do with how you view yourself. For example, when self-help was damaging to me, I had the mindset that I needed to be cured. That somehow I was not enough. That belief was unshakable. Trust me, in this scenario; self-help is NOT the answer. It will enforce the idea that you are not good enough; but not initially. Initially, it will feel good - but that's because self-help is just a bandaid solution. When I was at these low points, I used self-help like a drug. And unfortunately, the highs fade. I started spending hours listening to books and watching youtube videos all aimed to fix me somehow. Well, they didn't; that self-help media consumption just gave me the feeling of productivity that, for a while, masked the belief of inadequacy. I, fortunately, got to the point where I realized that it was a problem. I cut my consumption and worked on the real issue - my belief. 

You can't build a house on a rocky foundation. 

My problem was that I believed I was not enough; I could not improve on top of that. However, once that core belief shifted to 'I AM enough'. I was able to learn and grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. That is when investing in self-education made sense and added value to my life. Now 100% transparency, my belief is a moving target: Not Enough <-- 🎯 --> Enough. However, now I know to treat the disease, not the symptom. With gratitude, self-love, and possible professional help being the cure and self-help just being a painkiller.

So dear readers, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself. In fact, I think growth, learning, and accomplishments are the spice of life. However, know when it's a good thing and when it is harmful. Ask yourself, am I doing this because I feel inadequate? If the answer is yes, change your mindset - you are enough.